I have a shameful secret.
This secret haunts me. Whenever I read the internet, and they talk about anther innovative GoT ad campaign. Whenever I also read the internet, and people are posting things about lost dragons. Whenever I gaze up from the internet, and see the dragon swooping across the 9000 Sunset Blvd. building. And, most importantly, the closer the clock creeps toward 3.31.13.
You may have guessed my secret by now. No, it’s not that I haven’t seen Game of Thrones. I have seen Game of Thrones, precisely 15.5 hours of it. With maybe .15 hours of in and out. My secret is that I fell victim to Game of Thrones fatigue, and now I want to partake in the cultural phenomenon that is the land of Westeros & Essos, but I am both a) not caught up and b) having a hard time mustering up the effort to get back on the stallion.
But a Dothraki princess such as myself does not back down from a challenge. Instead, she enlists the help of some of her girlfriends, and learns to conquer what seems an insurmountable challenge. So without further ado and horse dick jokes, here are 4 ways to combat your Game of Throne Fatigue.
1) Read the Tube Top Television guide to Pretty Much Everything You Need to Know About Game of Thrones. Not only will it get you up to fucking snuff on Stark/Lannister dramz but it will remind you of all the weird sub-plots that are sometimes distracting but really overall cool that you care about.
2) Finish that episode that you were in the middle of when you fell off the wagon. Start at the last place you remember, not at the beginning. Everyone knows that you have to get through the weird middle of Game of Thrones episodes in order to get to the cliffhanger conclusion that makes you say THANK YOU SIR MAY I PLEASE HAVE ANOTHER. And that’s your problem – you keep starting at the beginning of an episode you’ve already sort of sleepily seen, so there’s not that impetus to keep going because you already know what’s going to happen. If, like me, you got lost somewhere in the middle of season II, just start 30 minutes into episode 5 and see where you end up. Brothel or battlefield, you’re sitting pretty either way.
3) The dragons. If starting where you left off doesn’t stick, just skip to the part with the dragons. A simple wikipedia of GoT episodes will get you where you need to be. See, we even included the helpful link for you.
4) Remind yourself of Arya Stark. She is so bomb. She’s really the coolest. And due to my wikipedia perusal and where I left off I know her plotline is abut to get really, REALLY cool and goshdarnit I want to be a part of it and show my sistah some SUPPORT.
5) Watch the opening credits. Shit is epic, and will get you in the mood better than a glass of Merlot and Targarian incest.
We at Tube Top hope that this guide has been inspiring and entertaining. Now go out there and park it for 4.5 hours of magic, warfare, and weird demon babies, so you can write off another 10 hours of that and who KNOWS what other craziness for the next 3 months. Winter is COMING.