Television

Imbibe Your Way Through the Seven Kingdoms

Remember a century ago when everyone wanted to have Mad Men cocktail viewing parties because they like, drink alcohol a bunch in that show? Well, we appreciate that spirit (ha! Because spirits oh god sorry never mind), so let’s take it to another level.

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If there’s ever been a show that demands a drinking party, Game of Thrones is it, and rest assured, we’re all over it.

Please enjoy these signature beverages for many of the major Houses and crews of Westeros and Essos. We suggest picking just a few of your favorites (flavors or characters) for the big night, unless you have 1000 friends or a horrible alcohol problem, in which case (either way) you will find The Night’s Watch most cost-effective.

The Daenerys: Shake fine aged Scotch (I see you, Jorah), the most exotic tea liqueur you can find, honey, blood orange juice, vanilla, and chili-infused vodka with ice until cloudy and confused about life. Strain into a glass you don’t own and garnish with a bird’s-eye (dragon’s-eye) pepper and the darkest blood orange twist you can peel. 100% inspired by Spruce’s delicious “Fire and Smoke,” this is the “Fire and Blood.”

The Stannis and Melisandre: Make whatever used to be your favorite cocktail, then set it on fire. Drink while angry. Quick alternative: Strongbow cider chased with Fireball whiskey.

The Brienne: Make a Cosmopolitan, throw away any garnishes, and put it in a pint glass. If anyone tries to tease you about your girly drink, knock them unconscious and go on about your business.

The King’s Landing: Mix equal parts of a minimum of seven cheap alcohols (any variety), and serve without ice or garnish in whatever cup you can find. Start a fistfight.

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“Have you ever heard the phrase ‘rich as a Lannister’? Because I’m drinking liquid gold right now.”

The Lannister: Order a friend to pour you a glass of a “great year” of Chateau d’Yquem, display the bottle prominently, and do not share. Not a millionaire? Grab some Sauternes or anything made from a muscat grape and refer to it as “Arbor Gold” all night, you’ll end up with exactly the same hangover.

The Hound: Buy a box of cheap red wine, remove the bag, and cover it with leather. Carry it around all night, squirting into your mouth as necessary and yelling the f-word at anyone who tries to stop you. In some areas, this is also called “The Hemingway.”

The Tyrell: Mix one part rose water, two parts champagne, and a dash of hibiscus syrup. Stir gently but with focus, pour over ice cubes with flowers frozen inside (so easy, so impressive), and garnish with several lemon ringlets.

The Greyjoy: Take someone else’s drink, then mutter either “I’ve made a huge mistake” or “I immediately regret this decision” depending on your preferred quotable comedy.

The Arryn: Put a White Russian into an extra tall martini glass. Drink through a crazy straw and allow to dribble down your chin if distracted.

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“Before I piss m’self!”

The Stark: Pour a dark, honest ale into a strong, honest tankard and drink til you make bold, honest mistakes.

The Night’s Watch: Fill a highball glass with ice. Add water and look wistfully at everyone else’s beverages.

The North: Infuse the most Siberian-sounding vodka you can find with fir tips (we recommend Douglas fir for the best flavor, or you could cheat and use a piney gin). Float a solid hand-carved block of ice in an overturned helmet with the vodka, add a splash of mild white tea to keep you conscious, and garnish with a very clean chicken bone.

No time or, perhaps, inclination to make these bad boys? No problem! Stock your fridge with mead (if you want to get fancy, Rogue Farms Jasmine Mead is our all-time favorite), ale (Belgian-style brews are probably the most appropriate, or there’s always the new Game of Thrones themed ale from Ommegang brewery), and the cheapest, sourest red wine you can buy in bulk.

Do this, and I promise your Game of Thrones party will have everyone talking…loudly.

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One thought on “Imbibe Your Way Through the Seven Kingdoms

  1. Pingback: Serve This Food at Your Game of Thrones Party and Become a Legend | Tube Top Television

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