FRIENDS: We’ve snagged another awesome contributor. Introducing: Willie Myers, here to tell us about Spraaang Breaaaak and any other pop culture hilarities he stumbles upon. (He’s seen every episode of Dance Moms, so… anything could happen.)
As if watching Justin Bieber’s ex, that girl from High School Musical, and a Pretty Little Liar snort blow off strangers’ nipples and have filthy pool sex with James ‘Look at mah shit’ Franco didn’t completely ruin your childhood in Spring Breakers, this Disney Princess Spring Breakers trailer will certainly finish the job.
Brought to you by the team behind Dora the Explorer’s live-action trailer, this CollegeHumor short nails the terrible dialogue, general plot vacuum, and calculatedly ‘hip’ music of the original all the while featuring real Disney Princesses.
Snow White says ‘bitch’ a lot, Cinderella gets naked a lot, and the Genie looks like blue Snoop Lion. A lot. It’s perfect.
The only thing missing is a 5 minute montage of Ariel and Cinderella pistol-whipping Floridians to the sweet sound of Britney Spears’ seminal ballad “Every Time.” Well, that and Mulan peddling black tar heroin: