Summer TV is notoriously trashy. It makes sense – studios, networks and most creatives are busy getting ready for Fall, when all the new FUN stuff premieres, and anything they aren’t quite sure about after pilot season gets pushed, and pushed again, and pushed again (I see you, Goodwin Games) until it gets last-resorted to the summer time slot, when people are too busy frolicking outside in the nice weather to watch television.
Well, getting drunk on patios is about as outdoorsy as I get, so my need for entertaining original programming doesn’t diminish based on the weather. TV remains a constant in my life all year round, meaning summertime can get pretty rough. Luckily, with a few returning gems, a large onset of awesome new cable programming, and a new Netflix original series, I have managed to scrounge together a list of watchable options. Sorry, Network. I’ll save you for Fall.
Summer seems to be the season of the anti-hero, as some of our favorite crazies return to the screen. Dexter is coming back for its final season, Bill and Eric return to the screen to fight for Sookie’s… love? Fairy blood? Vagina? And rumor has it a VAMPIRE MIGHT EVEN DIE.
For the Mad Men fans experiencing Donny D(‘s penis?) withdrawal, Starz’s Magic City is a fun and sexy substitute! Also, my girl Spencer Hastings is coming back to conquer A-nonymous with her fellow PLL’s. Once and for all? Probably not. Either way, it should be A-mazing, A-stounding, and, if nothing else, A-ttractive.
Oh yeah, and, um… best for last? Heisenberg, Bitch. Here, watch this awesome video to keep your pants on until August 11th.
Cool. Now. With regard to NEW shows: Networks, as usual, leave us bereft of anything but procedurals and whatever low-budget, unscripted crap they could throw together and onto the screen so there’d be a place to advertise their programming for Fall. But Cable will save us, even if HBO’s new Family Tree show is totally ruining my crush on Chris O’Dowd.
First on the list is Devious Maids – the new Lifetime show created by Marc Cherry – because I worked on that show, and therefore am more than a little bit invested in its success. Also, there are lots of hot maids in it, and Grant Show, who takes his shirt off at least once. I promise. Sex! Murder! Lies! Fun! PS: if you haven’t heard of this show / seen the ads for it, it will now haunt you. Because they’re everywhere. #YoureWelcome
In the premium cable world, Showtime is also getting down and dirty with rich and famous. Meet Ray Donovan: Crime Master Mystery Buff Man Extraordinaire, who can make all of your problems go away… but not his own! *Insert serious sound effect here.* Sounds enticing, no?
FX presents: EVEN MORE CRIME AND DRAMA! This time, for the not so rich and not so famous. This super awesome (I read the script. It’s super awesome.) drama stars Diane Kruger and Ted Levine as two detectives from different sides of the Mexican-American border working together to hunt down a crazy serial killer who, obvi, operates on both sides. A la Gus Fring, but like, killing instead of drug dealing. Le trailer:
Last but not least? Netflix. Having already impressed us with House of Cards and Arrested Development, Netflix has lured Jenji Kohan, creator of Weeds, into its all-at-once-original-programming world. This time, Jenji takes us out of suburbia and into… prison. The only place where orange really IS the new black. I can’t wait.
Still not enough TV to satisfy. Maybe it’s time for me to finally start-to-finish The Wire?