Television

“You’re No Good”: True Blood Season 6 Episode 3 Recap

Hey guys, I don’t know if you’ve picked up on this yet, but The Humans Are Going to War with The Supernatural Creatures. And this time, they’re finally threatening! Even Anna Camp! #Shit #Is #Going #Down (Or #Up. To the fan. Which the shit will hit, and then spray blood everywhere. And the vampires will come and lick it up because the vampires are huuuuuungry right now.)

In typical True Blood fashion, we picked up right where we left off last week: in Governor’s Daughter Willa’s room, with Eric getting that “eventually I’m going to have weird vampy sex with you” kind of up close and personal that screams “Foreshadowing, y’all!” Fortunately for him, Willa didn’t even need to be glamoured, so when the SWAT team raced up to rescue her, she and Eric were already gone. After Pam and Tara threw minor hissy fits, the Vampire + Willa gang headed over to Ginger’s for a little Invite-Me-In Invite-Me-In-Too Invite-Me-In-Three Okay We’re Going to Sleep Now situation. Oh Vampires, how social you are!

Loving this sexual tensh so much.

Loving this sexual tensh so much.

Safe in their (red, velvety, over-the-top-because-obviously) coffin-cubby, Willa tries to get bloody and sexual with Eric. I meannnnn… who can blame her? He’s just so tall. And he cries tears and bleeds from his ears? Mmmmm lickable. Stoic as Eric may appear, he looks tempted for a quick second, before Ginger interrupts their bonding sesh to spill the beans about the cops and Eric freaks out and Tara kidnaps Willa in the chaos. Womp Womp. Sorry Eric, SOMEONE ELSE HAS A PLAN NOW. On second thought, knowing Tara, maybe not?

Meanwhile, Billith becomes more delusional by the day. Basicamente, he/she/it thinks being Billith makes him/her/it immortal, or at least capable of standing in the sun and not burning to death. Jessica cries (oddly human / not bloody) tears while her Billy bursts into flames outside her window, then cowers by the front door with a blanket ready to stamp out the fire and nurse his third degree burns when he realizes he probably shouldn’t try walking the walking just yet… at least not until he figures out why he saw a vision of himself + all his (former) loved ones dying the True Death. And maybe thinks about how to save them.

"I can do this. Just trust me, bro."

“I can do this. Just trust me, bro.”

"Haha, jk!"

“Haha, jk!”

But Bill hadn’t had his fill of stupid decisions for the episode, so he went to Sookie’s and demanded hella blood because a) Obviously it was time for some ex-drama b) she’s a faerie and maybe that will save the Vampires? and c) he was hungry/horny/feeling a little burned (ha!) and needed a little comfort. Sookie didn’t invite him inside but he came in anyway, so she threw a plate in him, but not after a super intense eye-2-eye contact moment.

And the most unwelcome house guest of the year award goes to...

And the most unwelcome house guest of the year award goes to…

Bill leaves, then asks Jessica – she wants to help! – to dress as a vampy-student-whore (she looks like Vampire meets Britney Spears in the “Baby One More Time” music video… but in a good way-ish) and seduce the creator of Tru Blood because, if you hadn’t heard, the vampires are hungry!

Back to Sookie-land: Jason is acting crazy but no one cares except Sookie. There’s a hottie named Ben who the internet seems to think is Warlow who Niall meets en route to the Fairy Club. Well, Ben is en route to the fairy club, but he doesn’t make it because Warlow destroyed it and Niall just went, saw the massive Party Foul that the place was, and left… hopefully forever?

But not before he does some cool CGI!

But not before he does some cool CGI!

Because I think that place is weird. Aaaaanyway, he meets Ben on the way back and enlists Ben as a soldier in his faerie army and they head back to Sookie’s house, where Sookie is apprehensive and emotional about him. Also: Jason is acting crazy and Ben is 99.9% not what he seems.

Now: to Nifty Shifty Werewolf Land! Where Alcide & co. have stolen Sam’s daughter. Cops are on them. Emma doesn’t want to shift. Cut outside to cops being threatening! Cut back in to Emma as a dog! Phew. Are we done with that story line yet? No? Okay, fine. Overeager Activist Nicole and company show up at violent-as-F Alcide’s door with cameras because obviously that’s the best way to go about helping people who are threatened by everything. Solid plan. Until Alcide & co. go werewolfy cray on all of them and everyone is dead but Nicole. Meanwhile, Sam is an owl and rescues Emma and then goes off to save Nicole okay good now we are done I hate that story line and all characters involved except Sam, and I mostly only like Sam when he’s naked. And Lafayette, who, for all intents and purposes, didn’t exist this episode.

In other news, during Willa and Eric’s aforementioned kidnap turned willing coffin bonding sesh, Willa revealed that Daddy-O is actually experimenting on all those vampires he’s arrested – which is how he developed the bullet with sunlight in it that hurt Tara last episode, and the anti-Glamour contact lenses. And who is in charge but the lovely Anna Camp! AKA former wife of Pastor Newlin (Sara Newlin), now a bestselling author and anti-Vampire crusader. And she’s gonna study her former husband before she kills him, because if you can’t have Jason Stackhouse in a bathtub, well, you have to find something else to turn you on. Like Sadism!

Remember this? #Cheaterz4Lyfe

Remember this? Yeah you do. #Cheaterz4Lyfe

And then Andy Bellefleur catches Bill out past curfew but is nice (and stupid) to him and he tells Bill he has FOUR FAERIE DAUGHTERS who, since we’re venting for a moment, are totally a handful and growing up sooooo fast! And Bill takes that in silently but with a smile because we know he’s thinking devious thoughts like “Mmmm, yeahhhh WHO NEEDS SOOKIE NOW, BITCH?” and then heads to bed.

Recap True Blood Season 6 Ep 3

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2 thoughts on ““You’re No Good”: True Blood Season 6 Episode 3 Recap

  1. Pingback: “Fuck the Pain Away:” True Blood Season 6 Episode 5 Recap | Tube Top Television

  2. Pingback: “Dead Meat” True Blood Recap Season 6 Episode 8 | Tube Top Television

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