Television

Tube Top Ten: Ranking Mindy Kaling’s Males

Let’s face it: Mindy Kaling’s posse of men – from guest stars to co-stars to just plain friendsies who she hangs with and tweets clever quips at – is probably the most AMAHZING gaggle of males a girl could stumble upon. Some are sexy, some are funny, some are totally swoon-worthy, others are not to be taken seriously.

Speaking of not to be taken seriously… Adam Pally. PAUSE. NEED TO SAY SOMETHING OFF TOPIC: RIP Happy Endings, one of the best shows of all time, with one of the best casts of all time. You were shut down too soon, leaving us with so many questions.

that-ish-crazy

Questions like: How many times will Alex and Dave get back together and break up again? Will Jane make it to 50? Will Brad ever return to the dentist? How many new words will Penny make up in her lifetime? How long until Damon Wayans Jr. takes Lamorne Morris’s job? Will Dave’s food truck business ever be successful?

steak-me-home-tonight

And, most importantly, WHEN WILL WE SEE ADAM PALLY AGAIN?

Answer: On the Mindy Project. As a former Dartmouth frat boy turned OB-GYN, full of enthusiasm, totally bereft of social skills, any sense of propriety, and possibly a medical degree. For the past three weeks, Adam Pally has been guest starring on the Mindy Project and I hope he never leaves. One of the reasons I hope he never leaves is that he inspires me. To write blog posts. In which I rank Mindy Kaling’s Males, congratulate her for finding a job that allows her the luxury of surrounding herself with gorgeous funny men, then try to get that job… after I finish this blog post?

Please note that Mindy surrounds herself with TOO MANY SEXY DUDES to rank them all. Therefore, this will be a top 10 list, in yes particular order, with brief but honorable mention in advance (like, right now) to Seth Rogen, That Guy Who Played “Josh” (the one who made Mindy fight with Ellie Kemper over cake), Ben Feldman, Josh Meyers The Male Prostitute, and Kris Humphries, who truly excelled at playing himself. And now, for the top 10:

10: ED WEEKS (Dr. Jeremy Reed)

british we invented culture

Remember when he was all confident and hooking up with Mindy in hospital rooms in Season 1? Let’s just preserve our memory of that Ed Weeks forever so we can justify his spot on this list. Although I don’t like the Fat Jeremy plot line this season, Ed’s Britishness is cute, and he’s a series regular so I feel obligated to include him. He has his moments! Even if they only happen sometimes!

9. GLENN HOWERTON (Cliff Gilbert The Divorce Lawyer)

Swooning under the influence of skeptical brows...

Swooning under the influence of skeptical brows…

We all know that Glenn Howerton is excellent at playing an asshole, which he does – somewhat monotonously, in my opinion – very series regularly on It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. While I’m not a fan of Sunny, I do get weak in the knees for the occasional well-educated asshole character. On The Mindy Project, Cliff Gilbert The Divorce Lawyer is just that: everything Glenn Howerton is good at + education and a liiiiiiittle bit more sympathy for others… = SEX.

8. BJ NOVAK (Jamie The Latin Professor)

Besties!

Real Life Besties!

If we can’t have Kelly Kapoor and Ryan Howard and we can’t join Mindy & BJ’s BFFs-on-the-Internet relationship, we’ll take him as a guest star. Disclaimer: despite his height, I am XXXtremely attracted to BJ Novak’s adorable little Jewish face. Even if his story arc wasn’t my total absolute fave and he hasn’t really re-appeared since Season 1, I feel feelings for BJ and want to give him BJ’s and therefore he is on this list. He plays a Latin professor who is close friends with Mindy’s friend Lucy, and their story arc so totally parallels Mindy & BJ’s real-life relationship. FUN. Unrelated: Allison Williams was in his episode.

7. JAMES FRANCO (Dr. Paul Leotard: MD, OB/GYN, Ph D, Nutritionist, Sex Therapist)

james franco wub

For starters, let’s get it out in the open. I have many many many many x infinity qualms with James Franco. These include but are not limited to: His seeming ability to balance 15 million full time careers, his instagram, his obnoxious articles for VICE magazine the fact that he wrote a book called The Palo Alto stories about… the deep and emotional struggles of attending a Top 5 University? I don’t know, I haven’t read it. My biggest qualm with James Franco is his apparent self-awareness in the face of all this, his “I’m just being me doing me” attitude.

jf mindy2  jf mindy3  jf mindy1

If it weren’t for all of the aforementioned problems, James Franco would be higher on this list. Frankly, his arc on The Mindy Project was super fun, well-written, and left me with a smile on my face. Also, he asked Danny about his penis, which was a priceless moment. I just… it’s just… that instagram. Ugh.

6. MARK DUPLASS (Brendan DesLaurier The Midwife)

tumblr_mh2hr98jIa1qaldqoo2_500

Another man I’m totally in love with on The Mindy Project? Oh no wayyyyy! JK. Yes way. Duh. Mark Duplass plays the ultimate rival of Shulman & Associates in that he is a midwife who runs a Midwifery (pronounced mid-whiff-err-ee) office in the building.

MV5BMzEyMzI0MzY3NV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMjE3MzI5OA@@._V1._SX640_SY426_

He is totally weird and everyone judges him, until he seduces Mindy with some peaceful rocks, Mindy sleeps with him, then everyone judges Mindy for sleeping with him. Henceforth, she swears him off as her enemy, but he keeps showing up? Why won’t he go away? Why does he show up to see Danny’s hot body in Season 2? Just because he’s creepy? Oh. Okay, that’s cool.

thighmeat

nads

5. BILL HADER (Tom McDougall)

rs_1024x759-130508161340-1024.Mindy1.mh.050813

True, we haven’t seen him much since Season 1. True, in the first episode he left Mindy for a Russian bagel girl with bad teeth after he gave her new teeth. Also true: BILL HADER IS THE BEST and every time he shows up on this show it’s a joy. From his and Mindy’s Picture Perfect Rom-Com Romance that began in an elevator to his descent into Old Guy Who Just Wants to Be Cool, Tom McDougall is a shining star. I hope he’s allowed to reappear once in a while. At least on Danny’s basketball team?

justbecause

nolives

4. ADAM PALLY (Peter)

Except you, Adam. Except you.

Except you, Adam. Except you.

Because he is an inspiration to us all and because I love him, and because what doctor’s office doesn’t need a frat boy with a heart of gold who is good at calming down Fellow Bros who aren’t ready to be having babies?

tub birth  lets get wet

3. CHRIS MESSINA (Danny Castellano)

danny whats a browser history

TBH, I love Mindy and Danny. I can’t wait until they get togethz but I also want it to be a long time before they do because that makes for better story, and I actually think about / worry about the future of their relationship during my free time, which is like, a sign that I’m too invested, you know? I really didn’t know where to put Danny on this list because Adam Pally inspired the list so he should technically be above Danny but I love Danny and we’re really getting down to the wire with my favorites here, you know? Just so you know I also had qualms about Chris Messina v. Anders Holm, which leads me to #2, after these GIFs of Mindy & Danny’s love.

dannymindy1   dannypants

dannymindy3   dannymindy2

2. ANDERS HOLM (Pastor Casey)

For those of you who have not seen Workaholics’ stud Anders Holmvik play Pastor Casey, you are missing out on one of the greatest joys of life. And not just because of Mindy’s “church clothes” outfit that she wears to his first service:

church clothes 2  church clothes

Where she falls in love with his charming and modern take on religion…

anders black keys

Then starts very seriously dating him and moves to Haiti with him to save the world and stuff. Mindy may be lame, she may be Hindu, she may use Groupon for burritos, but he loves her anyway! Because he had a little rap sesh with the Notorious G-O-D. Know what G said? “That’s your girl, Dude.”

And that was that. He became super attached to her, fought over her with her ex-fiancee (Tom, #5) at a frat party, decided to marry her (“Don’t you want to spend eternity in heaven together? Just strumming harps and playing doubles tennis with Abe Lincoln and Tupac?”) and then not a bunch of times back and forth until he decided he wants to be a DJ and she decided music festivals are dirty and not her thing. Sad breakup, between these two, but who are we kidding? Mindy and Danny Castellano’s impending relaysh is fast approaching, and Anders had to go back to Workaholics and making cameos in Arrested Development and stuff.

1. IKE BARINHOLTZ (Morgan Tookers)

tumblr_inline_mlax35MQO71qz4rgp

Before Ike Barinholtz stopped just writing for the show and joined the cast of it, The Mindy Project could NOT find its footing to save its life. Insert: Morgan. Felon + Male Nurse + Animal Lover + Weirdo Without Boundaries and BOOM: Humor. All the time. While he isn’t the most attractive character, and the only time he came close to getting down and dirty with Mindy was episode 2.4, in which he vowed that everyone who has ever had sex with him finds their true love immediately afterwards and she begged for his body then realized what was happening, Morgan is the best. The. Best.

"I'll do it. I'll work my magic by having sex with your body."

“I’ll do it. I’ll work my magic by having sex with your body.”

open those blinds and let the stars watch

The. Best. Also, he’s awesomely comfortable with his sexuality.

specialmoment3    specialmoment2

One thought on “Tube Top Ten: Ranking Mindy Kaling’s Males

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s