It’s time you all woman up and face the facts.
1) Nashville is the sexiest show on Network TV. 2) Not enough of you are watching it, so… —> 3) I have no one to talk to about Connie Britton’s curls, Connie Britton’s sexytime, unexpected lesbian sexytime, the eternal plight of Deacon “Maddie-Daddy” Claybourne, whether or not the real world of country music is actually this incestuous, and how sick I am of Teddy, Peggy, couples with names that both end in Y, and fake pregnancies on TV.
Therefore, I’m going to spend a blog post trying to convince some of you to like Nashville, or at the very least, look at some cute GIFs and photos of pretty people sexing. Here we go:
Shit. Is Un. Real. Not only have I never seen so much panties-on-because-ABC-Legal-insisted, ideally-lit-by-candlelight-yet-totally-“spontaneous” sex scenes, makeups, breakups, and re-makeups, but also, each one gets its own song! Because like, that’s the plot of the show. It’s like Glee meets The Notebook with better music, prettier people (also mature adults with complex emotional arcs… mostly), and more sex. What’s not to love?
Speaking of makeups and breakups, let’s talk about the family drama. Second to Parenthood, which is arguably the best family drama on Network TV (when I say “best” I mean: most fearless when it comes to digging deep into family conflicts, never shying away from plots in which family members – purposely or accidentally – cause each other serious pain, and sometimes even (gasp!) challenge the audience’s perception of them, perhaps even becoming unlikeable (another gasp!) and having to redeem themselves. So basically I mean “complex characters and conflicts + good writing” = best.), Nashville digs deep with the backstabbing, the divorcing, the cheating, the lying, and the double-whammy of closeted homosexual rich southerners hiding their secrets from the world. No plot is too much plot in this writers’ room.
I can’t even list all the attractive people on the show, so I’m just going to re-mention that there are tons of attractive people on the show AND THEY ALL SING.
Never has such a sexy cast of vocally talented (or lip-synchingly talented) individuals been assembled! I make that claim with nothing to back it up! Nevertheless, I insist upon it! Not to mention, the frequency with which they cross-collab and switch musical partners is almost equal to that of the sexytimes. This week’s latest: Deacon Claybourne and his niece’s on-again-off-again, successful-again-unsuccessful-again boyfriendish, Avery Barkley.
It’s only a matter of time before we get to see Hayden Panetierre belting out her newest emotional, I’m-Not-A-Girl-Not-Yet-A-Woman-Career-Defining-Single while riding the boxer-brief-covered D of a charming British polo star slash media mogul whose bicurious wife is both watching and actively turned on in the doorway. Then Nashville would be like “WHAT OF IT, Y’ALL” and CUT TO: a beautifully written, emotional ballad sung by the Daenerys-Targaryen-haired Scarlett, the lyrics of which fully capture the theme of the entire episode but you don’t get to hear the whole thing unless you visit the Spotify Playlist because they’ve already SMASH CUT TO: Connie Britton in bed with the world’s most popular country music star, her curls splayed to their fullest and reddest across a pristine white pillow, being all mature and perspective-having like, “Gawd bless him, my ex-huuusband and his new marriage. I’m just trying to figure out how to protect my family, my girls, how to be a mama and an artist at the same time, you know Sexy Luke?” And Luke does know. And we know. Because it’s hard to be a parent. And also Connie Britton is really great at conveying extreme empathy in anything she’s ever acted in. So we fall in love with Connie all over again and dream of sparkly eyeshadow and Highway 65 and that hot producer guy who is “off to parts unknown” aka filming Game of Thrones in Ireland.
I digress. I wasn’t talking about sexytime. I was talking about music. So: Lennon and Maisy Stella.
Also known as Maddie and Daphne James, the absolutes adorbs daughters of Rayna, Lennon and Maisy are a country music duo of real sisterzzz from Ontario, who are… simply amazing. Episodes in which these two perform are the best episodes. Even if they are playing Lumineers songs.
If you haven’t heard of them, Nashville or not, you should go cry yourself a sadness hole, climb into it, then dry your tears with this rendition of The Little Mermaid classic, “Kiss The Girl,” or anything else on their YouTube channel. They speak (sing!) for themselves. Any time they perform on Nashville it’s a joy of all joys. Even if it is for Peggy Kenter, who is DUMB, if I didn’t mention that already.
I don’t think I need to say anything else about anything. Please comment or contact me on any form of social media if you want to talk about/watch/love all over Nashville. Please.