The VMA’s, little had I known before this year, are one of the most fun award shows to watch. Miley’s twerking notwithstanding, the VMA’s have the key ingredients to make an award show enjoyable: a) awesome performers b) tons of amazing and larger-than-life outfits, and c) Beyonce. They’re entertaining. The celebs don’t get bored. And they make for excellent GIFs.
While this Baby Blue GIF was *the* main highlight of the evening, I’d also like to name a few standout moments:
1) Nicki Minaj’s bootay.
It’s truly a thing to behold. When Nicki Minaj, Ariana Grande, and Jessie J killed it in the opening act, everyone was like “Take that Miley Cyrus. We ALL woke up like dis. I believe the word you’re looking for is ‘flawless.'” Little did they know, she had a stunt up her sleeve for later…
2) Miley’s stunt.
When Miley was interviewed in the pre-show and asked how anyone would top her performance the year before, she said she had a different kind of performance up her sleeve this year. One that would make a different kind of impression. Proving her egomania to be fully realized, that moment came when she accepted her VMA award. WAY TO COUNT YOUR CHICKENS MILEY. HOW DID YOU KNOW YOU WERE GOING TO WIN THAT?! Anyway, she had a homeless guy accept her award and then gave homeless shelters a bunch of money. It was cute and heartwarming, and her tears seemed genuine, but it did reek of “just in case anyone isn’t planning to pay attention to me this year…”
3) Jay Pharoah’s Kanye West impression / The Kardashian Sisters Reaction
In addition to his classic Jay-Z impression – “I’ve got a new cough syrup. It’s called HOVA-tussin. Ha-HA! Daddy loves you!” – Jay Pharoah busted out a fantastic Kanye impression about how he and Kim Kardashian West were more important than the Clintons. But the best part was the dirty look Kim gave Khloe when she laughed super hard at Jay Pharoah’s jokes. #realtalk #sisterfeud #KeepingUpWithTheKartrashians
2) The straight Spice Girls levels of #GirlPower.
This year’s VMA’s hosted a wonderful array of performances from power lady-females + many female winners. Drake didn’t show to accept his award and Ed Sheeran is actually a puppet and/or the British Ginger Jason Mraz, so, women really ran the world… I mean, evening. Serious question though: do you guys think Juicy J every dreamed of winning best female music video at the VMA’s? Dark Horse, indeed.
Also, Britney and JT forever:
4) Wannabe One Direction
Despite their stellar lyrics – “You look so perfect standing there in my American Apparel underwear, and I know now… that we’re the next One Direction whoa-ohhhh.” – 5 Seconds of Summer’s best moment was probably when they were introduced by Chloe Moretz aka Hit Girl.
Wait is the lead singer even using his guitar? Does it matter? Am I falling in love? Are they Australian? WHY ARE ALL THE GOOD ONES FOREIGN?!
6) Kim Kardashian West introducing Sam Smith
“Sometimes you hear a voice, and you just know it’s special. It moves you with its honesty, and makes you feel like whatever’s going on in your own life, somebody else might be going through it too. [Meanwhile, my sisters and I don’t give a fuck about anyone’s problems but our own!] Our next performer has one of those voices. Introducing my friend, Sam Smith…” WAIT. Kanye lets Kim have guy friends? I thought she just hung out inside all day playing the Kim Kardashian iPhone game?
7) Lord(e) & Taylor.
In case you guys haven’t heard, Lorde & Taylor Swift are friends. Not only did they sit next to each other at the VMAs, they also did not deny they were in a lesbian relationship. But only because that’s a ridiculous question and none of your business. Here’s the thing: this friendship was destined. THERE’S ALREADY A STORE NAMED LORD & TAYLOR. ALL WE NEED IS AN EXTRA E.
So, Lorde OBVIOUSLY wins the music video rock award and gives T. Swift a big hug! She and her massive lips and hair head on stage to give a cute but awkward speeech – “sorry for swearing!” – while T. Swift moves to sit next to her mom. I will say, For someone who is an artist who gets on stage and performs, Lorde literally has NO idea what to do in front of a camera. But it doesn’t matter because she’s friends with Taylor Swift so she can probably just Shake It Off no problemo.
Okay, now that we’re done giving out all the preliminary awards, the award for Best Beyonce goes to… BEYONCE KNOWLES CARTER!
Duh. Time for an epic 20 minute Beyonce performance, in which Taylor Swift and Lorde dance next to each other in a friendship-ish way… should we just renamed this the Lorde & Taylor show? Oh wait, no we shouldn’t, we’re watching Beyonce medley. #conflictingemotions
IF anyone in LA knows where I can learn to dance like Beyonce, please meet me on twitter and let me know.
That’s a wrap, folks! On to the EMMY awards!