Television

Should You Commit 30 Hours of Your Life to Twin Peaks?: FINAL ANSWER

Let's have a little chat about this.

Let’s have a little chat about this.

To quote the immediate, guttural reaction of the Naysayer McGee of this post, the answer would be “NO.” But oh no, my friends, the answer is not as simple as that for the following reasons.

1) DON’T YOU WANT TO BE PART OF THE CULTURAL ZEITGEIST? Is Twin Peaks the longest lasting inside joke of television to date? Maybe. Will Twin Peaks references ever die? No. C’mon, how can you offhandedly dismiss being a part of that. FEEL THE FOMO. FEEL IT.

2) Twin Peaks is… coming back? And the internet was excited about it? Here’s the deal. The show’s crazyballs creator David Lynch announced with Showtime that they would be brining the early ’90s murder mystery back for a 3rd season in 2016, picking up 25 years after the show left off. Deadline also recently announced that  co-creator Mark Frost would publish a novel bridging the gap between the 1992 series and the 2016 reprise. So… FOMO IN ADVANCE IF YOU DON’T GET CAUGHT UP.

3) Everyone’s always talking about “how weird” Twin Peaks is. But you’re an ‘educated viewer.’ You’re not “thrown off” by “weirdness.” You can handle it, you can enjoy this slice of Americana, and you need to prove it to everyone.

4) Everyone said it was good. And it’s like, critically acclaimed. You trust your friends… right? Or so you thought….

Choices, choices...

Choices, choices…

As your intreprid TV trailblazers, we recently undertook this herculean task and are here to share our conclusions with you. For the sticklers out there, this would reealllyyy only be a 28.5 hour commitment. But ya know between the bathroom breaks and frozen pizza warming, you’re pushing 30 easy.  So learn from us, take the knowledge we so gladly hand you. We know these questions are burning you up inside…Should you watch it? Should you do it? Are you ready to take the deep dive into the Lynchian universe of rainy Fir tree-ville? Here are the major arguments FOR and AGAINST. You decide for yourself.

ON THE ISSUE OF ‘WEIRDNESS’

NMcG: “… it’s certainly weird.”

Firewalk with me, bitch.

Firewalk with me, bitch.

Pro: weirdness is good. It’s not too often we see unexplained dancing midgets on primetime these days. Why not expand your mind? Bask in some nonsensical jazz? Just do it. Don’t overthink it. Embrace.

Con: Do you like meaning in your life? If so, maybe Twin Peaks isn’t for you.

ON THE ISSUE OF MURDER MYSTERY

Pro: If you like murder, this is wayyyyy more respectable to watch than How to Get Away With Murder* or any of the CSIs/NCISs/LawAndOrders/ETCETCETCthatuwatchwithurparentsandsecretlylike out there (expect maybe Serial**). The murder’s pretty kooky and twisty turny. It’s maybe not as overthought as you would like, but still… a good murder is a good murder, amirite?

Con: If you like murder so much, go watch Sherlock, you fuck. No one cares about the murder victim here because she was clearly a horrible person who, as a teenager with limited time on this Earth, really did not have enough time to cultivate as many “secrets” as the show says she has.

Suuure you will, Donna.

Suuure you will, Donna.

*Review pending. Pretty stoked on Viola, TBH.

**Review also pending. DID ADNAN DO IT?

ON THE ISSUE OF THE TITLE

Pro: ‘Twin Peaks’ basically just means boobs. I really don’t see a counterargument here.

Con: I guess the title’s fine. It doesn’t really mean anything, just like the rest of the show.

Oh god, what does it all mean?

Meaning? Who needs meaning HAHAHAHAHA

ON THE ISSUE OF INSIDE JOKES/’FOMO’

Pro: Do you want to have to fake it every time someone makes a “Who killed Laura Palmer” joke? Can you live with that? Your half smile and chuckle as IF you know what they’re talking about, but really you DON’T.

Con: I can live with that. Would you rather have wasted 30 hours of your life only to find out their inside joke is stupid?

Are you more lost, or more found?

Whoah.

ON THE ISSUE OF BEING ‘WELL WATCHED’

Pro: You really can’t call yourself a TV aficionado without having seen Twin Peaks. Hellooo, it’s critically accalimed. They’re bringing it back for a 3rd Season 25 years after the fact. That speaks for itself…. And you call yourself a TV snob and are thinking about not watching Twin Peaks… I’m disgusted.

Con: Showtime understands that people will apparently show up to watch this, but why the hell is there a demand for random nonsense? How can this be required viewing if there is no purpose to begin with? I reject the premise of this issue. Just because something has a cult following doesn’t make it objectively good. These viewers aren’t thinking of themselves. Hellooo hence the world “cult”?!

So, ready to enter crazy town?

So, ready to enter crazy town?

So, as you scroll Netflix, choosing between The Switch, Gilmore Girls, and Twin Peaks, we hope these queries will guide your hand. For those viewers who enjoyed the ending of Lost, you may like Twin Peaks. For those viewers who would enjoy seeing Charlotte’s erectile disfunction-having first husband Trey in an earlier role, you might also like Twin Peaks. The choice is yours, enjoy the jazz, excruciatingly long credits, ready Netflix availability, and of course, the MURDER and answer to WHO KILLED LAURA PALMER?

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